I talk beauty & mental health

Wednesday, 8 August 2018

Day In The Life Of A SAHG For Real This Time


It is only recently that I started being more comfortable with my lifestyle, that I've been accepting of my situation and the fact that everyone has their own story. That I don't owe anyone an explanation. That I don't need to feel ashamed of the fact that I don't work and haven't worked in the past 4 years. That I'm working on myself and that's okay. Being a stay at home girlfriend is nothing to be ashamed of. I've written an article like this before - only that it wasn't really a day in the life of a SAHG, it was a pep talk and one that was very much necessary, as most articles about this topic have quite a negative vibe about them. So here we are, a day in my life as a SAHG, for real this time.

Wait, what is a SAHG?

Even though most of you probably know what a stay at home girlfriend is, I'll just explain my situation for those of you who have absolutely no clue. I've been together with my boyfriend for 6 years and during the course of our relationship I became unemployed 2 years in, mostly due to various health problems. Being a SAHG wasn't something I had planned, at all, it just happened. Even though some people would probably very much enjoy being in my position, that wasn't my reality, for a long time. Being a stay at home girlfriend isn't something people talk about. Women who don't work are looked down upon, women who work too much are looked down upon. Women who work part time are looked down upon. It's never good enough, really, so I worked hard on making sure I was good enough for me. This is what a day in my life looks like, some are more fun than others. If you'd like to get a glimpse of how things go in real time, follow my insta stories! I also want to preface this post by saying that I've purposefully avoided talking about my mental health, simply because this isn't a mental health post. Here we go!

Namastay in bed

My morning routine has changed quite a bit over the past months. We used to have breakfast in bed, sounds kinda fancy I know but it's only because my boyfriend literally cannot be bothered to have it anywhere else. I wake up with him around 7 and instead of laying in like I used to, I immediately make my way downstairs. We recently adopted a baby bunny, she's about 11 months old, and she wakes up early! I guess it's safe to say that I've swapped my boyfriend for the rabbit now, she's just so fluffy and cute. I make my breakfast - and hers, which is a table spoon of pellets and a plate of fresh leafy greens, I'm good with just some coffee. Boyfriend sometimes comes to join us on the couch for a cuddle but mostly makes his way back upstairs to read the news on his iPad, until he's almost late for work.

All the glitz & the glamour starts here

As a SAHG routine is very important to me, so every morning I make it a point to shower, get dressed and do my makeup and my hair. I also carefully pick out the clothes I wear. To me, wondering around in sweats all day just doesn't feel like I'm taking myself seriously, so unless I'm sick or am particularly struggling with my mental health, I always get ready. Even though I'm not sure when I'll eventually get back to work, I want to keep a certain type of schedule - it's what makes me feel more human. You could call it self care too, I guess. Having been 4 years into the stay at home girlfriend business, I've learned setting goals, no matter how small, is key to being a happy, healthy SAHG. I make sure to at least have a gist of what I'm going to do - every single day. My mornings are usually spent checking my emails, my socials and taking care of blog related stuff. I don't have any other hobbies besides blogging, so that is what I focus on mainly. I've been taking a more relaxed approach to blogging though, which is why I am now less consistent than before but I'm very happy with how everything is going so far. I'm currently testing some new products I received from The Body Shop, Garnier, L'Oreal and Pixi Beauty, and it's loads of fun!


The furbaby (cause every SAHG has one)

I have to say that owning a pet rabbit has changed up my days as a SAHG a lot. Chloé is free roam, which means she doesn't stay in a cage. She's just like a dog or a cat, only that she needs to be supervised a little more closely. She might not have to be walked but it did take time to establish some bunny rules, such as not chewing on furniture and/or other home decor. Potty training was fairly easy. She's a very good and smart girl, I love her so much. I'm always looking for new things to keep her entertained. It's nice to get to focus on something other than yourself, having a pet - because being a SAHG things can get pretty lonely and boring at times. I make sure to have plans with family or a friend at least once a week. Go for coffee, do a little shopping, plan a blog photoshoot, little things like that. What I also like to do, especially during the Summer time, is going to have lunch with my man. We're not only in love, we are each other's best friend. Even though we live in the same house, we text and call pretty much all day. Joining him for lunch is something that makes me leave the house for some fresh air, I get to spend time with my best friend over some food and a drink and it's the best! Later in the afternoon is when I usually run errands. Pick up dry cleaning, do groceries, return online purchases, get more hay for Chloé etc.

So .. what do you do?

Let's talk about the inevitable now, shall we? House keeping. Yes, I do pretty much all the house keeping in our home - but not because I have to or because it is expected from me. I do it because when my boyfriend comes home, I want us to be able to hang out together. He comes home pretty late and even though he's ironed his own shirts since he left for uni I don't want him to spend his evenings making sure his work attire is ready or that the house is clean. I ask help when I need it or when I'm tired of doing stuff by myself. I'm usually pretty on top of everything anyway - dishes, laundry, changing towels and bedding. I like a clean house, it puts my mind at ease. As I've gotten older I've also taken an interest in living a more minimalistic lifestyle. I've decluttered loads in the past 2 years and it's truly made a positive impact on our lives. I usually do a little housekeeping every day, it's easier than doing it all at once.

One thing we do love to do is cooking dinner together, usually with a beer or a glass of wine. We have quite a passion for food, we're not experts but we like eating, for sure. Our fridge is always fully stocked, mostly with organic veggies. Even though we live in the city, we both grew up in the countryside so good organic food is something we value a lot. My stay at home girlfriend schedule usually ends around 4 or 5 pm, after that I relax and wait for my man to come home. I used to make dinner before hand, now I don't anymore. Since being a SAHG I've let go of a lot of general house rules. My goal is to really focus on the now, live in the moment. I've come to the realisation that as long as you don't have kids there's no point in being strict at home. Especially about meal times etc. The only thing I'm adamant about is picking up after yourself. We live in a relatively small apartment with limited storage space, so shit becomes cluttered easy.


Stay at home girlfriend who?

Being a SAHG, not every day is a productive day, not every day is a great day and not every day is a shopping day or a holiday, for that matter. Yes, I will take a nap here and there because I can, I'll sometimes watch Netflix all day because I can, I'll spend an hour on the toilet because I can. I'm allowed to live my life, I'm allowed to enjoy my life. My employment status does not determine my worth or change what I deserve, to be happy and healthy. Even though I can pretty much do whatever I want, I think self discipline is very important. I'm not sure my relationship would be so great if I wouldn't make a conscious effort, not only for my man but also for myself, to keep my life interesting, to learn, to stay active - and I'm allowed to do that by my own terms.

I want to emphasize that my story does not represent every SAHG's daily life by any means, I'm sure there are many girls who work their ass off even though they technically 'do not have a job'. Being a SAHG has taught me to stop jumping to conclusions and stop being judgemental about other people's journey. You don't know what people have gone through or are still going through. Not doing what 'you are supposed to do' is hard and takes guts. There's this illusions that is created when we are young, that life is supposed to go smoothly, that you go to school, then get a job, then have a family, but for many of us that just isn't reality. It's not how life works and that's okay.

Note to SHAG .. I mean SAHG!

You are going to be okay. 
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4 comments

  1. I actually really enjoyed reading this from a more positive point of view and I really admire that you've kept a schedule and a routine. I definitely agree having a Furbaby changes your life, we've got a little pup and he's like a baby. You seem to be nailing it and you should be really proud. Can't wait to read more.

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    1. They really are like babies and I honestly didn't realise that until I had a furbaby of my own :D Thank you so much! Xxx

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  2. I love that you're more positive now, Jolien! You deserve to be happy! 💕

    Xoxo
    Shirley | https://shirleycuypers.blogspot.be

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    1. Thanks so much honey, you're always so supportive, it honestly means the world <3

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