We Need To Talk Jolien Nathalie

So, I stopped blogging for a while. That happened. Then a lot of other stuff happened and then I realised I'm basically just trying to figure out what my life is at the moment. What I want to do. What I would like to be. Who I would like to be which, sadly, is what I've been doing for as long as I have been breathing I think, for as long as I can remember. I beat myself up for it, all the time. It makes me sad that I don't know what to do. That I don't have goals, or pretend I don't have goals, or think I pretend I don't have goals. I've been struggling a lot these past months and it hurts, so what I do is try to control the things around me. My house has been looking real neat ever since. My hair too. And my spending habits have made a huge shift.

I've become some kind of a home decor nut. I never leave my place, you got me, so stop judging me already. You'd love my place. It's not exactly the most instagramable because of the poor lighting, heck I only have one roof window in each room at my disposal, but it's cosy as fuck. I really like it. I'd make you some real good coffee too. Did you know the thickness of your cup determines how good your coffee tastes? The thicker the better. Yes, we love thick in this house so throw that Starbucks cup already. I also cut my hair, bleached and balayaged it. It's looking real good. I don't have greasy hair for the first time in my life. I can wash it every two days now which saves me so much time. Although as a stay at home girlfriend I don't really lack time so it's kind of a waste of time for me to save time. I mean, I could have walked out when my hairdresser made me wait for over an hour and a half before touching one hair on my head but I didn't, so I spent an entire afternoon there.

Fun fact: since I took a break from blogging I have almost entirely stopped buying makeup. Now I only get what I need which is pretty much - nothing really. I did change my foundation however and I have a new eyeshadow palette I use but other than that my focus has very much made a clear shift to what's going on underneath my makeup, which is my skin care. I spent €100 on some Caudalie stuff the other day, a brand that I've grown to love very much over the past months. I guess having a boyfriend who never says no has made me quite numb to price tags, among other things. My skin made a drastic change over the course of only a couple months so I felt I needed to take some drastic measures. My acne has now cleared up significantly which I'm very happy with.

I recently saw a blogger tweeting about how it's not okay to talk about 'having acne' when you have two breakouts on your face. I wanted to respond fuck you. You might only see two breakouts on their face but the person having them might see something entirely different. It's all about perception really. Nothing is what it seems. I, for example, always look like I'm going to work in a hurry when in fact I have no job. I carefully pick out the clothes I wear every day, I do my makeup, my hair is styled with tons of dry shampoo and hairspray and then when I simply go run my errands I walk so fast I look like I mean money. Quite pathetic really but it works.

I've had a lot of time to think about things and I've come to the conclusion that my self esteem is still dangling on a cliff somewhere - what isn't though is my sarcasm which I'm pretty full of, as is this blog post and I hope you enjoyed it. I currently also have a dozen breakouts on my face and I can't stop picking at them. My chin looks real busted. You're welcome.