Day In The Life Of A Stay At Home Girlfriend

October 25, 2017

Day in the life of a stay at home girlfriend

I very much avoid googling the term 'stay at home girlfriend' (SAHG) - mostly because every search result you come across isn't very uplifting. We're talking boyfriends who start threads on Yahoo and Reddit about how desperate they are to get rid of their girlfriend because she doesn't have a job. She's lazy and she wants to stay home forever. How tragic. SAHGs are described as having absolutely no passions, as women who have no desire to contribute to society. Women whose only goal in life is to suck the d, so he keeps on paying the b's (bills that is). I've also read somewhere that being a SAHG is a career choice now, one where you excel in doing absolutely nothing. To be fair, it takes a lot of work to be great at doing nothing. It's quite an art form, if you ask me. Most of you would feel so damn lost being confronted with the person that is yourself. I am a SAHG and I'm hardworking even though I don't have a job. I wake up in the morning and think about how I can make my life better, not how I can rinse my man. Welcome to a day in my life.

If you're a SAHG and you are reading this right now, maybe you have no idea what you're doing with your life, believe me when I say that it's gonna be okay. Being a stay at home girlfriend isn't a death sentence. You need some time off, however long that is (I'm going up to 5 years now, winky face) and you're doing your best. My story as a SAHG started in 2015. Depression and childhood trauma had pretty much taken over my life at that point. I met my boyfriend 3 years before that. I was working as a nanny and an English teacher. Marco has not once complained about being financially responsible for me. To be honest he's very happy providing for his little family. I bloomed staying at home. I became a better person, an even more glorious girlfriend and a woman who finally started loving herself for the first time. Being a SAHG is what I needed to get better, to get to know myself.

I started taking care of my mental health by seeing a therapist weekly. Not having an income of any kind to support myself or parents to rely on, I was fortunate to find a place where they offer sessions that only cost a fraction of what a regular therapist would charge. I'm grateful that I had the courage to show up to all of my appointments. I was embarrassed of my situation, I suffered from low self esteem, anxiety, I was desperate. I cried every day, I felt useless, I thought I had no passions. The only thing I could think about was that I absolutely needed to get a job and everything would be fixed. False. Truth is, I'd be useless to anyone, including myself, if I didn't work on my mental health first. It took me a while but I let go of the job idea eventually and embraced my life.

I have a boyfriend that always has my back no matter what, I live in a beautiful apartment in the city of Brussels, I'm family oriented, I like to blog and I like to buy and try new makeup. I'm a bunny mom. I love going for coffee with a friend. I'm an avid Netflix watcher. I love documentaries, stand up, tv comedies and feel-good reality shows. Twitter is my favorite news feed. I'm funny, open minded, I like to talk about sex. Everything in my house is organised to a T. I'm quite an amazing person actually.

My girlfriend doesn't work

No matter where you are in life, no matter what you do, the situation you're in, it comes with its own set of responsibilities. We live in a world where somehow if you don't work a stressful job - you're not living, where if you're not busy - you're wasting your time. I didn't know it was okay to take a break until my therapist pointed it out one day. It's okay to take your time to figure things out. People just can't keep up sometimes, life is overwhelming. Every day, you are working towards something even when it seems that you are doing nothing. It's called baby steps, it's called self improvement even when it is slow. Trust yourself. I never aspired to be a SAGH but am I choosing to be one today? Yes I am and I am also determined to kick ass when I want to be a career woman again.
Being a SAHG to me means I am organised, I see beauty in the little things, I'm happy and comfortable regardless of my employment status, I'm a self care pro, I know of every new tv show and podcast, I'm creative with my time, I have great self discipline. I have dreams and goals. The only difference between me and a person with a job is that I have more free time. 
Healthy routines are very important to me so I like to get up around 8 in the morning, I don't shower until much later though. I like tidying up a bit, clean up the breakfast table and spend time with Chloé our free roam bunny. Unless I have made appointments, I like to take things slow. Boyfriend usually leaves for work at about 9. Every day I get ready as if I'm ready to go to work. I want to look like I'm going to work. It makes me feel good. Sweatpants are for sick days, sad days or major PMS. Sometimes I have errands to run, sometimes not. I love a trip to the drugstore. To get some blood flowing I often go on foot, many places are walking distance from my house anyway. A good stretch on my cheap yoga mat is great too if I'm not going out that day. I can be hooked on the computer for hours, podcasts are also something I like to listen to. Some are educational, some are not. Stream of consciousness podcasts are my favorite, they're the ones that make me laugh the most because they're not very scripted, it also makes the SAHG life a lot less lonely. Having a lot of free time means it's important to plan your day out a little, even if it just means doing the washing. When boyfriend comes home in the evening we like to cook together and watch series. I also talk a lot because I probably haven't seen another person all day. Being an introvert I like spending time by myself. I'm a funny girlfriend and I think that's what Marco likes the most about me. I make him laugh pretty much all of the time. I told him the other day that I couldn't believe I hadn't ran out of jokes even though we've been together for almost a decade!

8 comments

  1. That is nice. For me it looks that you in a comfort zone and probably it is great because you can focus on yourself and your metal, physical health. However you mentioned some things like money,social life. Does this situation bothers you?I am not sure if I understood that.

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    1. Of course it's not an ideal situation, I'd much prefer to make my own money and actually be a social butterfly but that's not how things are going right now and fighting it in my case wouldn't be a smart move :) I could be more social for sure and do little jobs here and there but I'm very scared of a lot of things at the moment so I'm trying to take my time and allow myself to slowly but surely become a strong and confident person again. Xxx

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  2. as a Stay at home mom for 20 years ,I really empathize with you, My hubby works and he says he is happy as long as I am...and I am happy, but society ask of us (women) to be this force of nature that is a partner,worker,mother,and above all the person that should handle everything in the most efficient way.
    I had never work because I got married when I was 19 and I was in Uni,where I met my husband,I flunk out and I was pregnant. After all of this time,I still get ask if I am going to study a career...I don't think so,I love to be a wife and a mother,but that doesn't define me completely, I am funny and generally friendly person, but I love to be by myself also.
    I can imagine that you being a SAHG could be afraid of the future...but who doesn't? The idea of your partner leaving you is dreadful,but I for sure live on the present and if the future screw me over I would deal with it, but for now if you feel loved ,enjoy it.
    I know that you are very young, lovely,pretty and intelligent, if life demands you to survive on your own, you are going to succeed indeed.
    Bye!!!

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    1. Hi there! Thank you so much for your lovely comment and for sharing your story. I was thinking the same the other day, we as women have so much on our plate and it's honestly exhausting. We can do it all but we can't have it all at the same time :) I'm glad to hear that you are happy at home and that you have a supportive and loving husband, you deserve it. Have a great day and I wish you an awesome weekend :* Xxx Bye!

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  3. I couldn’t find you in snapchat anymore :(

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    1. Oh no that's strange, I just posted yesterday :) my username is just joliennathalie! Xxx

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  4. Thank you for writing this article. I have recently become a SAHG. While I am perfectly content to do it, I have been fearing the judgement of others for learning that it is something I'm doing. I haven't actually been judged by anyone personally yet, but society has hardwired me to believe that if I'm a homemaker, then I'm either freeloading and a leech, or I'm not driven to excel to greatness. At 33, I have an AA degree in general studies, and a work history spanning 15yrs that is mostly made up of retail and restaurant work. I'm not an idiot, but on paper, I fear I appear lazy and directionless. While I am definitely not lazy, I am directionless. While I do not believe that being a SAHG is my ultimate goal, however, I do not see why it can't be apart of my life alongside whatever else I decide to do (it just so happens that I plan to go back to school next fall to get my BS!). People seem to forget that, in our society, maintaining the home is just as important as maintaining financial stability. I take pride in making sure the home is clean, organized, supplies are purchased, laundry is done, dishes are never lingering, and meals are always prepared. It feels GOOD knowing that I am responsible for my home environment being as healthy as it can be. It has done wonders for my mental state, since both looking for work and working low-end jobs can cause a lot of detriment. My boyfriend is nothing but grateful, and so good to me in so many ways. Also, one thing I like is the matching routine. Routine is important, and it's quite lovely to have it shared with your partner. Not only are you able to schedule time together and apart more smoothly, but it keeps you both on the same mental and physical page (in most cases). Anyhow, thank you again for being so positive about this subject.

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    1. Hi, I'm sorry it's taken me a while to respond :) December has been a little tough and my socials are the first thing that I tend to neglect, a bit. Thank you so much for your message, I really appreciate that you took the time to write to me and to everyone else who reads this post. I've never used the word 'directionless' myself much to my surprise because it's exactly how I feel a lot of the times. At the moment I'm trying to enjoy my SAHG days as much as possible - I realised that when I'm finally going back to work again, that it won't be as easy to keep the house clean and spend time with my partner. On top of all that, our relationship might undergo some changes as well, we're both so used to the way things are now - it's going to be a big change. It's true that maintaining a home is important and that it's not as easy as it's made out to be. I wish you best of luck with your future endeavours, I also wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :) Xxx Jolien

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