I talk beauty & mental health

Friday, 14 October 2016

Things To Think About Before Moving In Together With Your Boyfriend

I see so many women, mostly freshly graduated, moving out of their parents home and going straight to buying houses or renting an apartment with their boyfriend. As logical as that might sound, I'm happy for them but I'm also taken back by it. I moved into a dorm when I was 18, travelled to Italy when I was 19 and started living there full time when I was 20. That's when I got a real taste of what it was to grow up and spend time with myself, essentially. It's true that me and my boyfriend started living together after barely knowing each other for a year, but I was 22 and he was 27. We both had lived alone, with friends, host families, and we had a sense of life. What adulting was like, running a place of your own, having space for yourself and developing your identity.

I think when you move in together with the person you're intimate with, right after living with your parents for 20+ years, you don't really get a chance to get to know yourself. You can grow together as a couple, of course, but what about you? Your individuality? Decisions like this are a commitment, and one that many underestimate. The women I am talking about in this post are (beauty) bloggers. Girls I follow on the internet. I don't know anything about their life apart from what they post on their social media, but I still consider them a part of my life in a way, and the things I see them posting about, I reflect upon. The reason I'm writing this article is because I see patterns. I see young women making these big, important changes in their life and a year or so later, the majority of them are in tears. The relationship has ended and they go back to either their parents house or (finally) rent a place of their own. I think one of the reasons this happens is because they've never gotten to know themselves outside of a relationship. The one with their parents and the one with their partner. They didn't want or didn't have the opportunity to rent a dorm/studio whilst studying/working hard for this or that degree/goal and missed out on determining the core of their selfhood. I don't mean to be petty or criticize other people's decisions, I just care (too much). It hurts me to see other people hurt, and heartbreak can be so damn cruel. Often times, people don't break up because the relationship isn't a good one, it's because of the relationship they have with themselves. Having a place of your own after being nurtured for so many years is a challenge, so have fun and get to know you. You were, in a way, committed to your parents before, who do you want to commit to next? I have to admit however, if the opportunity had presented itself in my life, I probably would have done the exact same. It's convenient, and who wouldn't want to live with the person they love the most, but I'm happy that wasn't the case for me. First of all, the guys I was with were not ready, and I know that because of the conversations I had with them about the future, they were nowhere near the conversations I have with my partner today. Second of all, even though they were good relationships, I found out there is no such thing as changing yourself for a person or trying to change them. If your man is not responsive when you talk about the things that could possibly come out of your relationship there most probably is no outcome. As harsh as that might sound, it's true, it doesn't mean that they don't love you, they just don't know better. I see so many girls putting up with so much and they all think it's what a relationship is supposed to be like, that things will change over time as they'll both be getting older. Well, I have news for you, what you see is what you get, and it's not going to change, not now and not with you. Now you can fry my 26 year old ass in the comment section below! Do you have boyfriend? Do you share a house together? What are your expectations in a relationship?


  1. I do agree with some things you said. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now, he recently graduated and I still have 1,5 years of college left, but I do think the next step for us is moving in together.

    The thing that makes it so personal and special for me is, ever since my parents got divorced, I have been running a household. My dad works long hours during the week so I am the one doing the food shops and making sure there's food on the table in the evenings.

    So I think when time comes, I will be ready to take that step and make my relationship work like it does now. :) xx

    1. I understand where your coming from, taking care of a house hold is not to be underestimated. I feel that in your case you have a touch with reality that most of the girls/bloggers that I'm referring to do not have :)


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