Honest About Beauty

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Day In The Life Of A Stay At Home Girlfriend

Stay At Home Girlfriend

I very much avoid googling the term 'stay at home girlfriend' (SAHG) - mostly because every search result you come across isn't very uplifting. SAHGs are described as having absolutely no passions, as women who are lazy and have no desire to contribute to society. Women whose only goal in life is to please their boyfriend, so he keeps on paying the(ir) bills. I've also read that being a SAHG, apparently, is a 'career choice' now, a lifestyle - an 'I do nothing' one. I am a SAHG and I am none of the above. Welcome to my life.

I'm 27 and I have been a stay at home girlfriend coming up to 3 years now. I burned out, attempting uni for the second time, and I fell into a deep depression after that. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, I worked back then, I was a nanny and an English teacher. I was happy but very troubled. My boyfriend, Marco who's 32, has not once complained about being financially responsible for me. I guess he would if I had outrageous spending habits, but I don't really. I like to blog and I like to buy and try new makeup. Maybe I should also mention that I've been revamping our little apartment, but with only one income it takes a little longer than I would like. Doesn't that sound glamorous?

I mostly make friends online, with people who follow my content. They just get me, you know, they don't judge me for my 'stay at home girlfriendness', which I've actually been pretty embarrassed about for the most part. Can't say that about all SAHGs though, one of my SAHG squad girl friends loves being at home and told me jobs are so overrated. I think she's right, there's just no point in coming home crying yourself to sleep every night because you're struggling at work. I do realise I'm fortunate, in some way, to be in this position. To have a loving man that is supportive enough to take care of me, but I don't have a lot of other things. I don't have security, I don't have parents that I can rely on and I don't have an income of any kind. If my boyfriend ever decides he doesn't want me anymore, right there and then I'm left with nothing. I'll be with my bags out on the side of the street. Not so lucky and fortunate after all, am I?

SAHG

No matter where you are in life, no matter what you do, the situation you're in, it comes with its own set of responsibilities. We live in a world, and I have to quote another girlfriend here, where somehow if you don't work a stressful job - you're not living, where if you're not busy - you're not 'living life to the fullest'. I didn't know it was okay to take a break until my therapist told me one day. She also told me it's okay not to be okay, to take your time to figure things out. In a world where everything goes so fast sometimes people just can't keep up. I'm not lazy, I'm just trying to find out what I want and my boyfriend is okay with that. Every day, I am working towards something, it's called self improvement, it's called having dreams and goals. I never aspired to be a SAGH but am I choosing to be one today? Yes I am, I am choosing to become a better person, a healthy person, one who'll kick ass when she's ready to get out there again.

I wake up in the morning and think about how I can make my life better, not how I can rinse my man. We have breakfast and then Marco gets ready to go to work and I make sure my newest blog post has made it to everyone. We kiss each other bye, an hour or so later, and I go and get ready for the day. Sometimes I have errands to run, sometimes not, I can be hooked on my computer for hours writing blogposts, watching documentaries, connecting with other bloggers and doing research on numerous topics to make sure what I write is on point and connected with current trends. I love a trip to the drugstore or a good stretch on my new, cheap yoga mat. Podcasts are also something I like to listen to, some are educational, some are not. 'Stream of consciousness' podcasts are my favorite, they're the ones that make me laugh the most because they're not very scripted, it also makes the SAHG life a lot less lonely. Once a week I have a trip to the therapist and I use the time to get there as a work out to make sure I get some blood flowing. I'm a person who suffers from anxiety, which means I can get tired a lot, so a big nap here and there during the day is not unusual.

When boo comes home in the evenings we often cook together with a glass of wine or a beer, he could also be glued to his iPad - that's when he's tired. At night we watch series or go to the cinema, I also talk a lot because I most probably haven't seen another person all day. I'm a funny girlfriend and I think that's what Marco likes the most about me. I make him laugh pretty much all of the time. I told him the other day that I couldn't believe I hadn't ran out of jokes even though we've been together for half a decade.

#SAHGlife
#theSAHGdiaries

Photo by: Pete Bellis
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10 comments

  1. I connect with you on so many levels. I was a science teacher but i left my job about 4 months ago because i wasnt really happy with it, everything was taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I want to go out there n work again but i'm just not ready yet, its okay to stay at home n figure out what we actually want from life n then do something we actually love. Stay strong girl n I'm thrilled to know that Marco supports you in every possible way.. happy fro you two !! stay happy !!

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    1. Thanks honey! I'm glad to hear you decided to take a step back and prioritise your health, it's so important, too much is too much and allowing yourself some space to actually breathe is soo important. Don't hesitate to message me once in a while, we girl need to stick together ;) Xx <3

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  2. That is nice. For me it looks that you in a comfort zone and probably it is great because you can focus on yourself and your metal, physical health. However you mentioned some things like money,social life. Does this situation bothers you?I am not sure if I understood that.

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    1. Of course it's not an ideal situation, I'd much prefer to make my own money and actually be a social butterfly but that's not how things are going right now and fighting it in my case wouldn't be a smart move :) I could be more social for sure and do little jobs here and there but I'm very scared of a lot of things at the moment so I'm trying to take my time and allow myself to slowly but surely become a strong and confident person again. Xxx

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  3. Wauw, nooit gedacht dat ik iemand zou tegenkomen die ongeveer hetzelfde meemaakt als mezelf. Ook ik heb in het verleden een burn-out en depressie gehad, ben SAHG (eigenlijk stay at home mom nu) en tegenwoordig ook weer last van paniekaanvallen. Ik schaam me er voor omdat ik nog jong ben en sommige mensen het gewoon niet begrijpen. Mensen hebben jammer genoeg nogal gauw een oordeel klaar zonder ze er iets van begrijpen. Veel succes nog met de zoektocht naar jezelf! Mooie website trouwens! Groetjes, Jill

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    1. Hey Jill, wat fijn dat je je verhaal zo deelt! Ik vind het eerlijk gezegd ook niet gemakkelijk om andere meiden te vinden die ook 'thuis zijn' om mee te babbelen :) Mijn therapeut zegt dat als ik denk dat de mensen mijn situatie niet begrijpen - dat het vaak ook zo zal zijn, dus ik probeer me meer op mijn gemak te voelen met mijn beslissing om thuis te blijven. Ik vind dat er tegenwoordig wel veel verwacht word van jong volwassenen (ik ben nu wel 27 lol), maar als je er zo bij nadenkt is alles nu niet zo vanzelf sprekend als vroeger. Paniek aanvallen heb ik ook regelmatig nu dat de depressie zo aan het wegebben is, ik denk dat het een ander manier is van mijn lichaam om met de dingen om te gaan. Anyway, houd je goed en wees fier op jezelf ;) Mama zijn is echt veel werk! Xxx

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  4. as a Stay at home mom for 20 years ,I really empathize with you, My hubby works and he says he is happy as long as I am...and I am happy, but society ask of us (women) to be this force of nature that is a partner,worker,mother,and above all the person that should handle everything in the most efficient way.
    I had never work because I got married when I was 19 and I was in Uni,where I met my husband,I flunk out and I was pregnant. After all of this time,I still get ask if I am going to study a career...I don't think so,I love to be a wife and a mother,but that doesn't define me completely, I am funny and generally friendly person, but I love to be by myself also.
    I can imagine that you being a SAHG could be afraid of the future...but who doesn't? The idea of your partner leaving you is dreadful,but I for sure live on the present and if the future screw me over I would deal with it, but for now if you feel loved ,enjoy it.
    I know that you are very young, lovely,pretty and intelligent, if life demands you to survive on your own, you are going to succeed indeed.
    Bye!!!

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    1. Hi there! Thank you so much for your lovely comment and for sharing your story. I was thinking the same the other day, we as women have so much on our plate and it's honestly exhausting. We can do it all but we can't have it all at the same time :) I'm glad to hear that you are happy at home and that you have a supportive and loving husband, you deserve it. Have a great day and I wish you an awesome weekend :* Xxx Bye!

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  5. I couldn’t find you in snapchat anymore :(

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    1. Oh no that's strange, I just posted yesterday :) my username is just joliennathalie! Xxx

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