Celebrating The Holidays Alone



For many of us the Christmas holidays are a time of joy, an opportunity to make good memories with the people we hold near and dear to our heart. To laugh together, to drink hot chocolate, to enjoy the twinkling lights and the smell of beautifully decorated pine trees, the smell of good Christmas cuisine and sweet chocolate. For me, Christmas is a holiday that brings up a lot of painful memories, and trying to get into the Christmas spirit has been a bit tough. Over the past years I've cried at almost every Christmas dinner as I was held responsible for actions that were not mine and it's left scars. This year I'm celebrating the holidays alone and that only and entirely for my own wellbeing.

I've chosen to have a Merry Christmas with myself, my new (awesomely comfortable) couch, my gorgeous little Christmas tree and a fridge overloaded with delicious food. The self care I practised this passed year will for sure be put to the test I'm anxious to see how I will manage. It was hard to tell my family I'm not going to be there, at our yearly Christmas family dinner. For weeks I tried to figure out which words I should choose so I wouldn't start any drama or a total pity party. The first one is something my family is very good at so I wrote a whole letter at first, because I wanted to be honest and explain, but I ended up sending just a once sentenced email saying: 'I wanted to let you all know that I'm not going to be there this Christmas'. The one person who hurt my feelings to their core, by stating I'm the reason every winter holiday party has been ruined in the past, blamed me yet again for all the misery that has gone on in our lives, and it took me some time to respond as I wanted to make sure that this was taken seriously. Self care has been in the very focus of my goals this year and I've decided that I want to be at peace. I don't deserve to be disrespected, to be treated like a piece of shit and a scapegoat. I don't want to attend a party where sadness is a competition and happiness a crime, where hurting others' feelings is norm and making family members cry a routine. It's not right, it's not healthy and as I finally have learned to have respect for myself, I will not contribute to this madness anymore, so I texted back: 'I'm not going, I've made that decision as a mature woman and I'd like you to respect that'. 

I wish I had a more cheerful holiday blog post to start the weekend but the truth of the matter is that there is a lot of pressure around this time of year to have the perfect celebration, and perfection unfortunately is pretty rare and in some cases even impossible. All you need to remember, always, is to be kind to yourself.


Merry Christmas,

Xxx Jolien



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4 comments

  1. I hope the self love that you've been practicing helped you to ace this test and i really hope you're fine. If you ever feel like talking to someone you know you have a friend who would listen to all that you have to say without being judgemental.
    Lots n lots of love and warm wishes ❤
    -Isha

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    1. Thank you dear! I really appreciate it and I will certainly keep that in mind 💕😘 I had a beautiful Christmas Eve and right now I'm having some family time with my grandparents, they're understanding of my decision helps a lot, I couldn't feel more loved 🎄 Love you ❤

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