I discovered I was simply dumped with the first therapist that had free time in their agenda and that there was never going to be any further discussions about my mental health, or what is actually going on in my head. I was explained that I'm going voluntarily to the sessions and that I'm the only person in charge of the issues I need help with, unlike how it works when you go to a GP who actually communicates to their patient about something they (might) have and prescribes medicine to treat the symptoms. Mind you I was never informed about all of this and, to be totally clear, I wasn't even capable of asking all these questions considering the poor mental state I was in when I arrived there. The worst part is that my therapist was very defensive when I bombarded her with all of my frustrations regarding the way they work with their 'patients' (if I can even call it patients anymore), she didn't understand my concerns and said I was crossing boundaries. I don't see how questions about potentially taking medication or being diagnosed are so out of line when they are a mental health care center. Especially when I'm being told that I had such a rough life for years and that most people end up on antidepressants after being miserable for two weeks. What happens when someone who is extremely mentally ill, that clearly is in need of certain resources the mental health field offers, ends up going to therapy there? They don't refer him/her to other specialists?
I think this is a clear case of being underpaid, understaffed and not wanting to take responsibility. My mind is truly blown away by the amount of ignorance I encountered. I don't know what to do or what to think anymore. It's instances like this that make me think I'm delusional and crazy. I'm constantly told that asking questions like that means I want to be sick and that I want to be medicated. It honestly makes me sad, because all I want is answers. Whether taking meds is an option, whether it would or wouldn't be beneficial. Whether I should be concerned about my wellbeing and whether this is the right form of therapy for me. I want a conversation, I don't believe everyone can get better using the same general treatments, it's like trying to cure every disease with the same medicine, impossible.
I honestly feel like I fucked up and I don't know what to do. I feel like I do everything wrong and that my questions or feelings are not valid. My boyfriend told me they probably experience my questioning as me telling them they are not capable of doing their job, and it makes me feel weird. I do not mean to be invasive, I'm just concerned about my health. I'm not motivated to go to my sessions anymore.
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