I've touched on this subject before, not the fact that I'm considering going to another mental health professional, but that my current therapist doesn't want to confirm that I actually suffer from anxiety and that, before I became her patient, I was so depressed they wanted to send to a mental health care facility. When I ask her what's wrong with me, she says I'm normal; when I ask her to label me she becomes defensive; when I ask her what I am being treated for she wanders around my question, saying we can talk about what I feel comfortable with.
I'm sorry, is she talking about herself? Meaning, what she's comfortable with? Because I'm fine with all of it, I simply want a straight answer to my question, not some mindfuckery bullshit. Why doesn't she want to tell me I suffer from depression? Why doesn't she want to tell me I have anxiety? Why has medication never been discussed? Why did I urgently need to be taken care of in a mental health facility? Why was I sent to a therapist and not a psychologist? It would be an utter relief if she even just said, I don't know, and not make me feel guilty for the questions I ask and state that 'I'm normal'. I don't see what is so normal about being scared of everything and everyone, about locking yourself at home, struggling with extreem low self esteem, having severe episodes of anger and sadness, panic attacks, paranoia, mental break downs, or mindlessly staring at the ceiling, on a daily basis. I talked about it with a of couple friends and I got the exact same read: I don't want to accept I'm normal, my therapist is not hiding anything and I have to accept that there is no label for having had a really difficult time for years.
I'm frustrated, to say the least. I'm not asking for medication, I don't want to have a disease, I'm simply looking for answers and closure. I have the right to know what goes on in my head. Having had a difficult time for years on end has consequences, and those consequences have names. I'm called a 'patient' when I arrive at my therapy appointment, meaning I'm a person receiving medical treatment. I'm not your average person, I'm a highly sensitive person, and this is important to me. I'm so over talking about my childhood, and the emotional neglect I suffered, I'm tired of bursting out into tears whenever I'm asked about my private life. I'm so freaking tired. I cancelled my appointment for the week, to reflect, get my head straight and, to be totally honest, avoid an anger outburst at my therapy session.
Therapy⎜the good, the weird and the odd
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