When you feel like you're just not good enough



I'm so accustomed to being treated like crap that I become emotional and overwhelmed when strangers are genuinely nice to me. I was at the drugstore today, to purchase products I was running low on as an older lady noticed how convinced I was of the makeup I was picking up. She asked which mascara would be great to lengthen her short lashes, I pointed out a few options, and that was that. She was nice to me and I couldn't help but being surprised.

Hours later when I jumped on a train heading back to Brussels a girl about my age asked me for directions, also that conversation turned into a friendly chat. I'm not used to being treated with respect, even though I'm always nice to people I don't often get that in return. Being nice has gotten me in trouble more than I can even remember, and it has caused a lot of self-hatred and self-esteem issues. I was taught to be a nice, friendly, compassionate and understanding human being and it makes me feel so lost because most of what I have seen is people being rude and vicious to me and to each other for absolutely no reason. I went to my GP this week to talk about some physical things that had been bothering been for a long time already. When I explained my problem she thought it was a good idea to tell me how my reasoning for some of the things I said was completely ridiculous. Going to a doctor I expect my issues to be taken seriously, especially considering I don't go there often. Her comments made me feel so desperate, small and humiliated that I started sobbing. I wonder why I always seem to meet people that enjoy belittling others, take goodness for granted and kindness for weakness. I feel like a magnet for negativity and it makes me sad and doubt every move I make. 


Related Posts:

One month of therapy update
2 months of therapy update
Life update: my sobriety & making changes
A heartbreaking letter to my father 
Note to self: life is more than academic skills 
How to: deleting negativity from your life
A feel good song to beat the blues
My in-law horror story
Things I want to let go in 2016


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8 comments

  1. You seem like a very nice, sweet, kind and beautiful person. Don't let the bad actions of others overshadow your own character and personality. If you wanna be kind, be kind. If they can't handle kind, then they have their own issues and it's not your fault. Just be yourself & stay strong!

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  2. Well, I have been treated like a crap by my family since my childhood and when I was a child, i thought everyone would treat me like that. Now in my marriage, in my friendships I am always being suspicious and questioning whether they are real or fake (while most of them are not). And it intimidates me so much.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that, I understand it's a struggle for you. Have faith and believe that their are good people in this world <3 Xxx

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  3. It's hard to be surrounded by those kind of people. But really, there nothing much we can do. However how we react toward that negativity is what defined us. Never feel discourage with what other people think of you. How can you take seriously the words of other people who belitlling others. Continue being nice because that's who you're and keep on improving yourself. Be it personal or otherwise.

    Don't let anyone define who you're. Take charge of your own life because at the end of the day it's yours.

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    1. You're absolutely right, thanks <3 :)

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  4. Stay Strong girl :) these may be tough times but they will pass! A lot of people around me are suffering from anxiety and sometimes I get panic attacks too, a few days ago I had one just because of a minor assignment. You can do it, we're all here for each other ❤️

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    1. I can completely relate, thanks for being so understanding :) we need more people like you!

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