LIFE UPDATE⎜My sobriety, making changes & what I do for a living



Life after depression is weird, I almost feel like I sobered up somehow, like an alcoholic who quit drinking. My mind is clear and the sadness that was a part of myself for so long is no longer there and it feels good, but unfamiliar. It's making me a bit anxious, I know that I am able to do great things now but I don't really know where to start. The realisation that I am worthy of living and worthy of being respected by the living around me is scary. 

Setting boundaries for myself and making changes has proven very difficult especially because I've been mourning my past very heavily for the lasts weeks. My mind is fine but my body is tired of all the negativity it once stored and still stores. I don't have the energy to face the outside, to face people or to face social situations. I've been learning some coping techniques at my therapy sessions but I have yet to put them to the test. I've been finding some comfort in isochronic tones for now, which is something I used to listen to when I was very down in the dumps and it helped my anxiety tremendously.

A lot of you seem to be confused about what I do for a living and, although I really dislike answering that question, I'll try to explain. I'm a stay-at-home girlfriend, meaning I'm like a stay-at-home mom, but without children. I burned out two years ago at university and suffered a depression relapse shortly after. Before that I used to be an au pair/nanny in Italy which was something I very much enjoyed. I decided to quit after four years because being an au pair is not a job that is legally recognised. I am not working at the moment because I'm trying to heal and restore my mind from things that have happened in my life, and are still happening. I'm working on myself, focussing on what I deem important and what I actually want to accomplish here and now. My online content has become a very important part in that and it's something that makes me happy.  



Q: What are some of your struggles right now? Life goals? How do you stay positive? Let me know in the comments!


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Picture: Unsplash

6 comments

  1. I am happy to hear you are doing so well!! Just keep going, step by step :)) I don't know if it's just me, but it seems to be so hard to be in your 20s and live in world with so many possibilities, it creates even more pressure to succeed and do well. That's very hard when you don't even know what you want to do, or where you want to do it. I guess that is my main struggle right now -- figuring out my life but doing it at my own pace, not according to the deadlines that are created by the society. The way I stay positive is just feeling proud of small accomplishments, like sticking to a healthy living routine and and appreciating how much work goes into that. More importantly, trying to dig deep and think about how many obstacles I faced in my life and how many tears I shed, but I am still here and still fighting everyday, not giving in to all the sad thoughts and weaknesses there are. It takes a strong person to do it. So, think about how hard you are working at yourself and realize that you are ahead of a lot of people, because working at yourself and fighting your inner demons is the toughest job there is! All the love and support, Jolien :* :)))

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    1. I agree, and I think it will be even tougher for the generations to come. I'm all to familiar with breaking those society deadlines, especially when it comes to dealing with people's lack of understanding. I try as well to keep a healthy lifestyle, without obsessing and giving in to my little cravings. I feel like I've been too restrained in the past and it has dried me up a bit! Small accomplishments is the path I am trying too, it helps rebuilding confidence and selfworth, although sometimes I still feel that I am not reaching enough, it's a real struggle! Being in the 20s these days is such a mess, only 20 years ago it seemed to be so much more structured and planned. Thanks for the understanding and reading through :) Xxx Jolien

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  2. It takes time and doing little things each day that make you happy. Doodle in a journal, take photos, whatever it is that bring you moments of happiness. Depression is a hard battle, eat healthy, but the sinfully good treats are still fun. Some days just forcing yourself to get dressed and brush your hair can be a real battle. But stepping out into the sun, it is so healing. Even if you don't make it past your steps, just sit with a nice cup or glass of beverage and listen to the sounds of the world. Besides the sounds of other humans, cars, you will start to hear the little things. The breeze passing through trees, the rustling of the branches as they sway. A passing plane overhead, a bee buzzing as it works gathering nector. Perhaps grasshoppers in the grass, the buzzing of power running through electrical lines. Just a host of sounds, the earth teeming with life. Draw energy from it all, enjoy your tea, lemonade or juice and know you are not alone in this. As for being an Au Pair not being legally recognized, those people that decide that must not have kids. That is hard work! It's ok to grieve the past, but don't stay there. Go get a massage, image the negativity leaving your body as they are working on you, drink lots of water after and let your body release the toxins. Find someone near you that does Reiki and have a few sessions. Just a few things that can help you on your journey in this life. You can also do a negativity journal, find images, write, draw, paint, etc...things that represent all of those thoughts emotions. Sometimes putting it down on paper can help, you can than burn it to ashes and release it to the wind, bury it in the woods, throw it in a river for just a few examples of releasing it from you can help. It gives action to you taking control and giving yourself permission to remove it from you. Sending you cyber hugs from Mama Bear!

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    1. Thank you for all the ideas! :) I've been doing more of that recently, trying to be aware of the smaller things, I started seeing new and wonderful stuff in places that I've past a thousand times already! Some days it is just a matter of motivation but I promise I will keep on doing that and I'll look into the Reiki, it seems really interesting. I love the journal idea, it's a bit like doing witchcraft :) Thank you mama bear! I hope all is good with you ♥︎ :) Xxxxx

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  3. Although being a nanny/au pair is not legally recognized, it is something that you enjoyed and gave you a purpose. I think for those of us, including me, who have suffered from depression, getting outside of ourselves and helping other people provides healing. While you are deciding what type of work you may want to do in the future, being a nanny in the meantime may free your mind of the depressing thoughts we have when we have too much time on our hands. I don't think that means you are delaying dealing with the issues, but it gives you another perspective. Also, there is a biological component to depression. I know many people don't like to take medication, but it was a life saver for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I admire you very much for taking this journey.

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    1. I agree, I wish I could nanny again but I don't have the patience anymore and I really need a change. My doctors have never talked to me about medication but it could be a good conversation. Thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it :) <3 Xxx

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