Honest About Beauty

Friday, 18 March 2016

Dear dad, you should have showed up



Dear dad, do you remember I used to prepare a card for you at school, with a handwritten poem, for father's day? To then read it to you in the kitchen, right in front of the dishwasher, all proud and shy, in the evening after dinner? I have something different for you today.

I'm not proud and I'm not shy, I'm terribly disappointed in you. I'm disappointed about the way you have treated your children since the day you have left my mother. I know you feel a lot of anger and pain, I know you've been sad but there are no excuses for the cruel and hurtful things that come out of your mouth. You have no right to treat us like you do when you have not been honest with us. You have not sat us around the table and explained the facts, you just walked away and said 'peace out' to the past 26 years of your life, and on top of that you expect us to understand?! Is that empowering to you? Dad, you're a scared little boy having a tantrum and you are trapped by your own pride. You have been blaming people for responsibilities that are only entirely yours. Stop playing the victim, step up and own your shit.

The day you didn't show up at the hospital, you disowned me as a child. The day I told you I never wanted to hear from you again was the day you should have said sorry. The day you said you never wanted children, you denied my entire existence. The day you walked out of my life was the day I was relieved I never had to be a victim of your shift blaming again.


Peace out.


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6 comments

  1. I shared this on Facebook, my adopted daughters husband threw her and their children out just before Christmas for a woman he met online. He has treated her badly, been very little help financially, went a month without texting, calling the kids to see how they were doing. Never called to see how the toddler was doing. His daughter told me he doesn't feel like a father anymore.

    Well tonight she got the phone call, he isn't happy with the other woman that for weeks he tossed in her face that the other woman was the best thing that ever happened to him. She was the love of his life, and after standing in my front yard screaming at her that he didn't love her anymore. Now, yes now that he's discovered the grass isn't greener, he wants to come home. He blamed his unhappiness on his wife, his bad choices were her fault. This letter could have been written by his daughter today. A voice among many in this situation being heard. Bravo!

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    1. Thank you Hazel, the blaming is definitely the worst part for me because it seems like my father's forgotten the women he left is still my mother and that everything he throws in her face hurts me just as much. I'm sure a lot of it is to get a reaction out of me ( & my syblings) and I guess this is my reaction to his behaviour. It hurts to know he'll never acknowledge the way he's going about it, is just plain out wrong and cruel. Xxx :) <3

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  2. Phoe heftig. Ik kende mijn vader niet tot een bepaalde leeftijd en ik vroeg me ook altijd af wat er in zijn leven en hoofd omging. Of hij wel eens aan mij dacht of niet. Heel erg vreemd. Inmiddels hebben we een goede band maar toch. Ik heb wel zoveel jaren waarin ik opgroeide gemist met hem. Heel erg heftig! Gelukkig is er 1 positieve noot aan het hele verhaal, je komt hier hoe dan ook sterker uit en staat veel steviger in je schoenen.

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    1. Wow wat een verhaal, wat fijn dat jullie elkaar hebben terug gevonden. Dat we steviger in onze schoenen staan is zeker maar het zou toch aangenamer geweest zijn als het anders verlopen was. Ik kan niet geloven hoe koppig mensen kunnen zijn, sorry zeggen zou al een grote stap zijn. Xxx :)

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  3. This really touched me a lot my dad walked out on my mom when he found out she was pregnant I have always felt something missing from my life just because everyone I know has a dad too me I have a great stepfather now but he has never even tried to contact me or apologize I don't even have a face for a name but maybe it's for the best he choose to walk out on me 17 years ago but thank you for this post it really meant a lot for me for you too write something so meaningfulxxx

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear that your dad walked out on you both, as much as we would like answers to our questions and hear a sincere apology I'm not sure that it would make sense for us. I personally feel like my father lives in a completely different reality, and I can't understand what's going on in his mind even though he's been in my life for long. It's good to hear you have a stepdad you can count on, stay strong girly! Love you <3 Xxxxx

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