Things I Want To Let Go in 2016



The article you're about to read I wrote when I was in a very, very dark place. It's been among my drafts on Blogger ever since and I never really knew what to do with it. Every time I read it, it makes me cry and it reminds me of how I never want to go back to that place again. This is what I want to let go in 2016 and if possible, forever.

"In a year time I went from being a confident, outgoing woman, to a hermit. I'm embarrassed and mortified. I spend my days wondering in my apartment obsessed with the fact that I cannot seem to figure out my life, that I've failed at everything that is expected from me. Finding a place and balance in this world is troubling me more than ever and it has triggered an enormous amount of anxiety. I am unable to function properly and I cannot stand people anymore. I don't remember a day passing by not being sad or depressed, in fact, I'm even convinced I was depressed the day I was born. I probably cried, begging to go back into that warm place where I didn't have to be a part of the world. I'm struggling with a mind poisoned by destroyed self worth, hopeless dreams and a cruel society. I'm sad everyday, asking myself why, wanting to crawl into a whole and die. I gave up on life a while ago, it's too hard and I just can't deal with it anymore. There's this one quote that feeds itself on my depressive thoughts: people don't commit suicide because they want to die, they commit suicide because they want the pain to stop. Scary word suicide, it creeps around in my brain sometimes, but one thing always comes back stronger: hope. Dreaming about still being able to achieve great things, dreaming about becoming the greatest person I can be. Hope is torture and it's killing me."

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8 comments

  1. Wat knap dat je dit durft te delen! Ik hoop dat je van 2016 een positief jaar maakt, mooie herinneringen creëert en de negatieve gevoelens achter je laat!
    Gelukkig nieuwjaar!

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    1. You have to enjoy life the most you can despite the circumstances. I understand you are going through a bad time, but you cannot stop. It is a time to put aside the discouragement and begin to see life in a more optimistic way. Life is a challenge, you have to overcome all obstacles. I've known you for a very short period of time now, but I believe you're a beautiful person inside out.
      Stay positive. ❤️

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    2. @Ellen Wat lief van je :) Jij ook een heel gelukkig nieuwjaar!

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    3. @Amina I will :) Thank you so much dear! Happy New Year <3

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  2. jolien,look at you, your a beautiful girl. and who seems to have aloving boyfriend. an amazing family. and a 3700 subscribers. you cant end your life now, there is so much more, you are my idol. i live yyou so much and it would hurt me, and all your family/friends if you hurt yourself. if you need help there is a girl on youtube that dealt with anxiety and depression, find the video and watch it her name is kathleenlights , she is also a beauty youtuber, hope that helps xx

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    1. Thanks so much honey, your words mean so much! I'll definitely check her out :) Xxxxx

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  3. Wow.. dat zijn woorden die me wel even doen stoppen. Heel moedig dat je dit zo aan ons vertelt.. zulke heftige emoties en gedachten! Hoewel ik me bij deze gedachten zelf niet veel kan voorstellen, kan ik me heel goed voorstellen dat je nooit meer terug wil naar deze donkere plek!

    Het minste wat ik doen is je toewensen dat 2016 een mooi jaar voor je mag worden en je een dikke internet-knuffel geven! :)

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    1. Dikke internet knuffels zijn altijd welkom :D dankjewel! Jij ook een gelukkig nieuwjaar! Xxxx

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